Once Upon a time

Close to the city of Paithan, in a small village called Sauviragram, which lay along the banks of the great river Godavari, lived a woman named Ilaa. Being cotton farmers, her family was well to do, but not among the richest in their area. It was the harvest season, and cotton had to be picked from the plants. The wholesalers and traders from Paithan would be arriving in just a few weeks, carrying gold and goods for barter. They would exchange what they carried for the cotton that the farmers grew. The bales of cotton had to be ready in time! Work was at its peak!

But Ilaa was not to be found in the fields. She wasn't working. Instead, she was sitting by the banks of the great river Godavari.

'I am sick of this!' she grunted loudly.

Tears of pain and angst rolled down her eyes.

She could not hear anything happening around her. Her mind echoed “I am sick of this. I can’t take it anymore”

She was distracted by the chimes of anklets and laughter of little girls who were playing on the banks of the river. She looked at them and remembered her childhood days.

IIla was the youngest of her 5 siblings. Her mother had died while giving birth to her. IILa along with her other siblings helped her father in cotton fields ever since she was a child.

She was named after King Ila who established the city Pratishthana. According to legends, he once strayed into Shiva's forest during his hunting trip and was cursed to become a woman. He prayed to Parvati , Shiva’s wife and was blessed to be a woman only every alternate month. When he was a woman, he married Buddha, one of the 9 planets and through his help got rid of Shiva’s curse. He then ruled Pratishthana for a long time.

As a child, Iila was very fascinated by the royal empire. The extravagance, stories and valor of the kings and kingdoms intrigued her. Her father narrated her stories from the Mahabharata, Ramayana and Vedas. He described characters like Sita , Kunti and Draupadi who were respected as mothers and wives and how wars were fought to save their honor.

Bhanu , Iila’s friend knew where she could find her. She spotted her sitting on the banks of the river, hands folded and teary eyed.

She kept staring at the far end of the river; the point where the mighty sky and the humble earth meet or rather appear to meet. Her life was symbolic of the horizon she had fixed her gaze on.

Bhanu knew the cause of Iila’s pain but talking about it wouldn’t lessen it and comforting her wouldn’t ease it.

“Iila , baba is looking for you . Come”

Iila was unaffected.

Bhanu put her hands on Iila’s shoulders. She turned around with a dead stare.
“ Come lets go home “ Bhanu said as she held Iila’s hand to lift her up.

She held Bhanu’s hand and walked towards home. She didn’t utter a word and kept walking with stoned eyes and probably a heart too.

Bhanu left her alone at home and went to the fields.

Illa went to her room and opened her trunk. Silk paithani sarees, gold jewelry, copper vessels, kumkum, everything was nicely decorated and packed. Soon after the cotton season would get over in Magha, she would be getting married in Falgun before holi.

Her prospective husband , Tukaram was a rich cotton farmer in Changatpuri.

She knew him. She knew him well. After all she was also the husband of her elder sister, Leela.

She kept lying in her room. Did not cook or eat anything. It was evening and time for her father, brother and Bhanu to return from the fields. Bhanu’s father was a trader and along with her mother had gone to nearby village for business leaving her at Iila’s place to stay. She was getting married to Iila’s brother, Eknath after Iila’s marriage.

Bhanu entered the house and sensed that nothing had changed since she left Iila in her room. She quickly started preparing food for Eknath and Illa’s father. After a long tiring day on the fields and no food would infuriate them.
Iila's father came home and saw Iila lying down.

He shoved his plaid away and screamed at her .

“ Why did you not come to the field today. We all are working hard to arrange extra money for your marriage and this is the kind of attitude you show.
Will you be happy once you take away our business from us like you took away your...........” He stopped.

Iila knew what he was referring to. But things were not like this always. Illa's father loved her very much. Images of her childhood flashed in-front of her eyes. Every morning her father carried her on his shoulder and took her to the fields. On her way to the fields they crossed Kasba Peth from where she bought dolls. She remembered watching women carrying water vessels. Looking at them she asked her father how her mother looked like. “ Just like you “ He always replied with the same loving gesture.

But where was the love now? Iila was always seen as an unfortunate child who killed her mother and made her way into this world. Everyone believed so except his father but ever since she had refused to marry Tukaram , he had started blaming her for her mother's demise and bringing misfortune to the family.
How could she marry Tukaram. He was her sister Leela 's husband. Leela loved Tukaram very much but was always saddened at the fact that she couldn't bear a child for him. She had met Leela at Ahilya, a cousin's wedding last year. She was crying. Talks of Tukaram's remarriage were doing the rounds. Iila never wanted this to happen and had promised Leela that she would speak to her father about this.
When she spoke to her father , she was scolded for meddling in matters of the elderly. Few days later her father spoke to her about the proposal of marrying Tukaram. She dismissed it at once. Her father's behavior towards her changed from that day.

How could she be a cause of her sister's misery now and what if she was unable to bear a child too.
She could not take it anymore. She could not stand the hatred in her father's eyes for not doing something she was unwilling to. She could not stand the helplessness which she would find in her sister's eyes when she would be married to Tukaram.She could not stand the fact that women were still treated as a resource to bear children and aid the family's growth.
She couldn't do anything . She could not stop everyone from thinking that she was not the reason of her mother's death. She could not stop everyone from thinking that Leela was not just a amenity of given birth to successors. She could not stop herself entering into an alliance with a man she did not want to be with.

When everyone was away preparing for dinner , she walked out of the house and started walking towards the vast Godavari river. It was dark and silent. She could feel cold breezes on her face. She opened her hair. They flew in all directions. She took off the gold bangle she wore and put it on the river bank. It was her mother's bangle. She walked towards the river and kept walking. She could feel water touching her toes. She felt cold but kept walking . She walked further inside. Water was till her waist. She was unperturbed by thoughts and emotions. She was going far away from her sisters and Leela , far away from Eknath and still farther from her father. She immersed herself into the river.

She ended her life and liberated herself from the misery but is every women audacious enough to end her life ? Can every woman stand against the daily abuses of life ? Can every woman break the shackles of judgments and decisions forced upon them? Can every woman be Iila and think about other woman's dreams and feelings above her own's.

Iila's death came as a shock to everyone. The girl who was full of life and dreams ended her life because she was been taken to a world she didn't belong to. She could not changed things around her so she changed the course of her life to the ultimate truth : death.

Bhanu saw Iila's body lying on the floor for the last ritual. Maybe she would not voiced her opinion and not ended her life she thought as she cried profusely.

Maybe she would have stood against the norms and helped others like her. Maybe she should have run away but not ended her life. There were lots of maybe and could haves but Iila did what she could. Dejected by her father and people she loved , this seemed the only resort.

In a country where women were respected as mothers , sisters and wives , why were they treated differently when it came to taking life decisions. Why were there still inhibitions to voice their opinion or take decisions of their lives when they have been hearing stories of woman warrior queens ruking kingdoms and accompanying kings to the battlefields. Why were the norms of society kept above the desires and dreams? Why was the protocol preferred over what was rightful.

Why did one life have to end to showcase the importance of life and dreams.

Paithan was regarded as moksha-tirtha – a pilgrimage centre from where the soul could be liberated forever from a shackled existence. But was Iila's soul liberated ? Or were there more Iilas being born in this country everyday?